For you my dear friend

goodbye...dearest

2006-01-16T01:40:00.000-08:00

this is a blog i made for Melanie S. Avila, my dearest friend that had passed away this JANUARY 11, 2005. this is a blog i specially made for you...

poems

2005-10-24T01:19:00.000-07:00

MY BESTFRIEND

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I’ve dealt.

She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she’d stay long.

I reached out to this friend
To show her that I care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there.
I want to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.

WE’RE FRIENDS

We must be together
Even though we are far away from each other
We say, “friends forever”
To keep and remember

We will always stay the same.
Being sport every game
Don’t worry; it’s okay
I just want to say that I will come on your way.

See that sunset
Dreaming that all the stars we can get
By the power of our friendship.
I know we can do it.

They are nice poems that came from “The Lyceean”. Our school’s newspaper released annually. Hope you like it!

to start with...

2005-02-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

Si Mela ay isang kakaibang tao. Mabait siya at isang tapat na kaibigan. Madalas kaming magkasama, simula sa flag ceerermony hanggang uwian. Kapag may klase daldalan 2 d max. e, ano p b? kundi ANIME

(basahin niyo ang buong blog pra mlaman kung ano ang mga paborito niyang mga anime). kakaiba talaga siya, at paaano ko nsbi? eh, naramdaman k na lng. hirap i-explain pro, i'll try. last year k lng siya nakilala pero magaan tlga ang loob ko sa knya. Parang kilala ko na siya buong buhay ko. Parang tadhana, na nakilala ko siay at nging bestfriend. Hindi, hindi "parang" TADHANA tlga ang nglapit sa amin. Namimiss ko na siya... pro hindi lang ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganun.

Heto pa ang ibang mga pananaw ng mga taong nakakilala at napamahal na sa knya...

MeLodY...

>>alm k wlang perfect friend because walang perfect person. We are humans therefore we are all sinners. But this girl...she's innocent. Innocent in the sense that she can't hurt anybody. Because of her extraordinary personality she's almost perfect.

On the first day we met, i never thought that she would be my bestfriend someday because she's very quiet and serious type which is my opposite. But later on, i realized that im wrong coz deep inside Mela is really funny, talkative(only to her close friends) and jolly. and also i found her to be interesting and fun to be with. We were groupmates in our social class. Then later on we became close to each other. She used to call me everyday and we talk on the phone until 10:00 pm. Our conservation lasts for about 1 to 3 hours. Imagine that! we talk about anything,everything about boys, our dreamguy, our gaols in life, the person we wanted to be 10 years from now, latest issues in our school and stuff. Afterwards we became bestfriends.

>>There's no limitation in our conversation. No secrets, no emotions hidden and kept. We never argued, we never fought, I don't know maybe because we have the same likes and in some ways, we have the same characters. A day will never be complete if we were not able to talk. She's very supportive and thoughtful. She appreciates everything about me the way I look, the way I sing(even though a lot of people wanted me to stop) my whole being. She never said hurtful word not even once.

Melanie Avila is one-of-a-kind. Wala na akong makikita pang friend na katulad niya. Kung gaano siya ka-honest, sincere...She's one of the person who knows me from head to foot. Sad to say but i just recently realized how she loves me so much. How happy and contented she was when she's with me. Kung gaano siya willing na intindihin ako kahit na gaano kahirap. How she truly cares for me. nalaman ko rin na talikuran man ako ng mundo...kahit kailan hindi nya ako iiwan. Walang salita na makakapaglarawan sa kanya dahil mas higit pa siya sa salitang "the best!". She's almost perfect...no words can express how much i miss her...how much i love her...sa ngayon masasabi ko lang..."Thank you Mela and that I love you."

>>sabi nya saken :Feeling ko we were destined to be friends". ganun din ako. When she died I thought a lost everything because she owns a big part in my life. But then i realized that she wanted me to be strong. Life goes on. I need to move on all the letters and even her text messages narito pa rin. And i will treasure those and the memories she left. She's still my bestfriend and no one could ever change that.

Marvin...

>>Mabait na matalino pero madaldal. Palatawa lagi kapag kausap ko. Nanggugulo, malakas mangtrip pero ok lang kc di naman ako madalas nakikinig kasi inaantok ako. Siya ang favorite seatmate ko kahit ayaw nya pakopya, ok lang. Favorite nya si Ban pero mas gwapo si Kuruodo. Asa daw ako sabi nya pero cute naman daw ako. Kaibigan ko daw siya sabi niya, yun ang hindi ko na alam.

Mark Lester...

>>Mabait at matalino. Mahilig sa ANIME lalo na kay Ginji (me:mga tare at thunder emperor) Mahilig sa mga bagay na cute at mahilig sa smiley.

coincidence

2005-02-04T23:41:00.000-08:00

>>mela made coincidence wishes with a boy that she always saw. she never new his name but one time she said "pag ito nagkapareho kami ng damit." wala naman siyang gagawin kung mgkapareho man ang damit nila. and un nga pglabas nya ng bahay...WOW pareho clang naka-puti. at hindi lang isang beses ngyari un. after 1 week ngkapareho clang naka-pula at blue. maski-rin cya natawa.

habitual phrase:

Mela: pasensya ka na Akemi...tinotopak na naman ako.
Me: eh ako lang naman ata nagtitiis at nakakaintindi s nga pinagsasabi mo eh!
Mela: oo nga eh! kya nga tyo ngkakaintindihan kc pareho lng tayong AB-normal.
hahahahahahah.....!!!!!!

The Lake

2005-02-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten...that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show? Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there's no hope in doing so. For now, it's rather too late- too late for me to do so. She was my bestfriend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and **** but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my bestfriend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes, which could make a man, lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I answered, "My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, " Well i like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, "Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my bestfriend and I kind of miss him you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with Troy and I could be your new bestfriend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it started.

So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things, which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches whenever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments,flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convincemyself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of thecampus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team, which Mark was the captain. When Isaw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breakinginto pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see inmy eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that followed wherethe saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn't know that I whisper the words "God how I love you."

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a bigfight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy becauseshe was free and maybe i would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I wasfeeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure ofwhat I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.

So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for Iwas scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by tellingher I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after ourafternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So she turned away and quietlysaid, "Well i just thought I would like to spend that night with my bestfriend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was toostunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until Ifinally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam." The she smiled and suddenly kissed mycheek. I could hardly contain the joy i felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head.Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!" I ran slowed up so that i would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, " Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.

When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said, "Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor.

It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl Iever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I foundmyself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancingher beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her,but still haven't done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted adrink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to ourtable, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and search for her.

As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by themoon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. i could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to doso. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance ofher true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heartbreak. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. in the hallways, as she approaches i would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. there was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with mystudies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hardnot to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done forher. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her.

It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only thesight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.

I reached their house; I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lady just like my dear Sam. I then asked," HiJen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Ummm... by the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me." I was confused with the way she's acting but still i followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questioned briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam."

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I couldnot believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.

I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia. But even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she alwaysregard this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and thatwas when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for ourprom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading.

****************************

I know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky andthankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess itjust bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel.Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heartbeating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw ahint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself thatyou're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling alie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. when our prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so i told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love.What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chanceto do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt theworld crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I loveyou but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left. Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone. P.S. Think of me sometimes.... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

************************************

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her,if not as much, but more than she did for me. I loveher more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."

>>this is our favorite love story in the whole world. we first read it when we were in first year. and it really touched us so we asked jhen for a copy. so we had one each.